The Love Thing

That last excuse of a draft poem that I posted was an attempt at a love poem. I generally don't "do" love poems - I squirm when I'm forced to read other people's attempts and feel that in general it's best not to inflict my cringy drafts on others.

Nevertheless, love poetry is pretty much what poetry is all about, and if a poet can't do the love poem thing then they're not much of a poet. Or so says my mother. Mind you, she says poems aren't poems unless they rhyme so I'm failing in all departments there.

So I've redrafted the draft love (or more accurately, seduction) poem, which is now inching its way towards something that could be interesting. I think I'm going to have to title it something like "Love Poem #1" so that people are aware its a love poem. And then there's the line length thingy. Does it work better with short lines, long lines or even longer lines?

Love Poem #1 (short lines)
Just as the hovercraft
could puff its skirts
against the certainty
of concrete so could I
swing from the verge
of rabbit-chewed grass,
screaming defiance
as I cleared the edge
of the cliffs. Thus
is poetry learned -
swung from the hands
of an older brother.

But it's much more fun
to be seduced by a stranger,
teasing me through lawns
to the windy cliff-tops
bolstering Dover
in moonlight, whispering
stories in assonance -
and then to dance:
eyes locked on his images
as we swirl to the music,
each step an experiment
in flinty contact

Love Poem #1 (long lines)
Just as the hovercraft could puff its skirts
against the certainty of concrete so could I
swing from the verge of rabbit-chewed grass,
screaming defiance as I cleared the edge
of the cliffs. Thus is poetry learned -
swung from the hands of an older brother.

But it's much more fun to be seduced by a stranger,
teasing me through lawns to the windy cliff-tops
bolstering Dover in moonlight, whispering
stories in assonance - and then to dance:
eyes locked on his images as we swirl to the music,
each step an experiment in flinty contact

Love Poem #1 (even longer lines, with some shorter lines too)
Just as the hovercraft could puff its skirts against
the certainty of concrete so could I swing from the verge
of rabbit-chewed grass, screaming defiance as I cleared
the edge of the cliffs. Thus is poetry learned - swung
from the hands of an older brother.

But it's much more fun to be seduced by a stranger, teasing me
through lawns to the windy cliff-tops bolstering Dover
in moonlight, whispering stories in assonance - and then
to dance: eyes locked on his images as we swirl to the music,
each step an experiment in chalk-flint contact

Titling poems to signpost meaning is allowed, but is it clever? I mean, if I titled that other manky draft I recently posted "Love Poem #2" would it make it a real love poem? Let's try:

Love Poem #2
I'm drowning: floodwaters
blistering over a river's dirt bed -
a borewall of branches, snakes; leaves
lifted from mountains wraping limbs.

Change must come: the flood
gurgles, pushes my form beneath
bridges, hustles towards salty storms
where liquids will rage unconfined.

My bouyant lung fights the tug
of gravity; my bladder empties
a stash of chemicals. Breed!
Breed like the moon has crashed.

Perhaps it'll work better if the title was Love Poem: Crabs. Or perhaps it won't. I'm not sure a poem can be a love poem if it doesn't include a minimum of 2 personalities.