Does it work better as a visual poem?

I didn't like the draft of this NaPo abortion. So I set The Gimp onto it, to see if playing with space and suchlike makes for a better work. I do prefer this version, as it more closely resembles my incoherent thoughts on the issues.

It's not very experimental (though combining the oldest poetry form in the English language with early 21C design in such a casual manner might be a bit, well, odd), but what-the-hell: enjoy!